Happy Father’s Day (Jun 1996)

On the cover is a photo of my Dad preparing to leave on a fishing trip as brothers Michael and Billy look at him longingly. Family fishing trips happened on sunny days when the lake was calm and it didn’t really matter if we caught anything. With seven kids in a canoe, fish knew we were trying to catch them. My father was a good provider and we always had lots to eat. When Dad or Grandad left without us, we knew they were serious about bringing home some food. Dad enjoyed the wildness of the country and once in a while he took time off to hike in the hills and show their grandeur to our relatives or guests.

I remember one special weekend when the whole family was going to hike Mount Goaty… a two or three day adventure, that excited all of us. Our guests arrived and the jeep was packed, for it was quicker to drive to the timberline and hike up from there. At the last minute there was a change in plans: someone said I was too slow and that I should stay home and help Grandad look after the animals. Reluctantly I agreed. They were right, I would slow them down. To hide my disappointment I decided that being physical was boy’s stuff, so why try?

It has taken me many years of doing yoga to build up my strength and stamina and recently I felt ready to give aerobic exercises another try. Jogging gives me a side ache, so I thought I would try the dynamic meditation with Urmi. It was very physical and the heavy breathing bothered the back of my throat, but I kept visualizing the mountain I never climbed and kept moving my arms and legs. It was great fun and helped me move some more emotions up to the surface.

That was good because I had just finished doing the Naka Ima weekend with Deborah Riverbend and that brought up a few more emotions around my father. She helped me to see a little more clearly why I am the way I am. My need for his love and approval still drives me but I did say ‘No’ to authority-like figures several times over the weekend and that felt good. I got a chance to feel my attachment to needing to be a good girl. Being honest about what I am feeling and thinking is getting easier, for I, like many, was not raised knowing it was okay to express anger or frustration.

I remember when I was nine or ten correcting some detail of a story my Dad was telling a friend. Suddenly the backside of his hand whomped me across the face as he said, “Don’t ever contradict me again.” I remember thinking to myself, “The next time he tries that, I’m going to bite him.” He never did it again and the incident was forgotten, or so I thought. During the Naka Ima weekend, I was asked why I do what I do. My reply was, “I am seeking approval and needing love,” for I have read enough books to know that is the core issue for all human beings, including me. As Deborah questioned me further, the tears came and this incident with my Dad came to mind. Releasing emotion around an old memory frees up the energy that has been holding the emotion in place. Musing about it helps me to grow lighter and lighter.

Jan keeps her humour about me being an angel, including putting up the sign above my office that says Angels at Play. I had a dream recently that Jan and I had leapt out of the belly of a plane. As we fall towards the ground, we take turns reading out loud the instruction manual that appears to be a children’s picture book. We are trying to figure out how to fly before we hit the ground. This seems like a perfect metaphor for what we are going through here at the Centre. So much has happened since I wrote the last column that it seems like several months.

Easter Monday my body decided it was time to flush out the winter toxins so I threw out my lunch thinking I would eat later. The cleanse ended up lasting two weeks. My body was serious and it wanted a rest from the continuous onslaught of food, so I obliged by drinking water and tea for six days. Talking with nutripath, Cecile Begin I decided to continue with a de-worming program and colonics. During my third colonic I was rewarded when gobs of mucus, a ten-inch round worm and three smaller ones got washed out of me. The cleansing program worked well but left me a little tired as we got the May ISSUES ready for print and finalized the last minute details of the Spring Festival of Awareness. The event itself was magical and everything flowed smoothly. I feel very grateful to be living and working in such a supportive environment.

Afterwards, I got rolfed. Gary Schneider is determined to unlock my sacrum and free my hip joints. Emotions keep surfacing and I feel very unstable as my pelvis keeps shifting. I am rewarded with back bends that are deeper and easier but I do feel strange. I will continue for I know it is important to have flexibility with strength and endurance.

Life is full of paradoxs and I am delighted that I am aware of them. I would like to say thanks to my three sons, Dale, Keith and Gordon, who all phoned me today to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day as I write about my father. Many years ago, when I asked them if it was okay with them if I went public with my holistic/metaphysical viewpoint, their reply was, “Everybody already knows you are nuts, so go ahead.” Sometimes I wonder how all this effects them… never knowing what I’ll be up to next, or if the changes in me will affect my relationship with them. I send hugs and kisses to my boys.

Great news… Jan and I recently purchased the office building beside the Holistic Healing Centre. I feel guided in my vision to create a holistic community that can sustain people wishing to make a living doing healing work and I feel the need for a holistic school each time I am asked, “Where do I have to go to get training?” The first thing that needs to happen is to pay off the $100,000 mortgage on the Holistic Healing Centre, so over the next two years, I intend to get good at fund raising. Then I hope to arrange for a low-interest loan and tear down and re-build the Holistic Centre. The new centre will include a Yoga / Tai Chi / Meditation Studio, a Vegetarian Restaurant with evening talks, cooking classes and video nights, a Book & Gift Store, plus the reception area on the main floor. The second floor would have practitioners’ offices, office space including ISSUES, and an apartment for me that overlooks the creek. The third floor will be used for a school. ☛

My intention is to create a facility that is owned collectively and run as a not-for-profit business. Or, if enough money is given to me, I will set the centre up as trust once it is operational. I am asking for support and cash to make this happen. I am so greatful to be allowed to manifest my vision, by being in the moment, that I know I will be guided as to what is best for all concerned.

If you would like to co-create with Jan, Marcel, Mike, Urmi and me, please write, phone or drop by. If you have cash and would like to see it put to good use, please let me know. To start off the fund-raising, Joyce Egolf has donated a magical wand made of rose quartz and crystals. For a donation of $10, we will enter your name in a draw to take place in September at our Healing Fair. This will give each of you the opportunity to show your support. If you have other ideas please share them with us.

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